“Single mothers make good mistresses” so the cliché goes.
I am not one given to clichés, especially such in bad taste. However that has never stopped me from using them.
Someone who’s known me for a very long time recently told me that it looked like I had resigned into a life of being a single mom. He felt like I had given up hope of ever getting married and all this he got from a status I had put up. Well needless to say, I tried defending myself (I mean, I do this for a living – defending others-so what do you expect when I am defending myself?).
Was I sending “hopeless” signals? Was I that obvious? I wondered what made him perceive or read me this way.
Anyway, let’s go back to why I began writing this, in the first place.
So I recently bumped into a man I hadn’t seen in ages. I met him back in college days. Now anyone who knows me and my college days- knows that whatever happened in college stayed in college, or ought to stay that way. Well unless God says otherwise :).
I was excited to see him. In fact I recall feeling like I was a little extra bubbly for my usual self.
We had stopped and got off at the same bus stop and walked quite a distance catching up.
As we bade each other farewell he asked for my telephone number and I never made any thought of it and quickly gave it to him.
“Bleep!” goes my phone a few moments later.
You have a new text message.
You guessed right.
It is from him.
I am super excited and equally clearly disgusted at my excitement.
You see he is a married man.
I said it M.A.R.R.I.E.D.
In CAPS. In bold. Signed, sealed and delivered!
And yes I am S.A.V.E.D !
I said it.
So here is this married man making some preposterous propositions.
Here I am grinning like a Cheshire cat!
And there you are refusing to believe that I was not rebuking the devil and casting him out in a thousand different directions.
Well you see, if I said that I rebuked the devil and sent the Holy Spirit fire (special for such dark forces) against him, I’d be lying through my teeth (oh well…or what I have left of them).
I felt tags, wild rushes go through my being, a sort of exhilaration that I hadn’t felt in a while. The kind you know will land you nowhere else but the runway marked “trouble” (in CAPS). The kind that wants to take off with every fiber of your being and never land. The kind you know very well will only crash land and leave you broken in all brekable areas. Yes. That one.
You see he was singing my praises and my beauty and it sounded like great music to my ears. Oh yes it did. I felt like my heart fluttered.
I share truth.
If I am upsetting you so far; I want to sincerely apologize.
I am not doing this in jest. I am not taking marriage lightly. I do not take it lightly.
I am trusting God for a husband soon- and so I do not want to plant a mess in my field to harvest it later on.
But truth is truth. I liked the attention he gave me.
You see it did not matter to me that he was married then or at all. All that mattered was the attention.
I was craving the attention. I was thriving on his attention.
His proposition was ungodly, I made feebly attempts to reject it- because I was still spinning around in my head- you see he had noticed me. HE was “bold” enough to try catching me.
And I wanted to be caught.I sincerely deep down wanted him to catch me.
I did not want to run. No. I may have pretended to want to think to run, but I really didn’t want to.
I know this may sound like such an anti climax, but I have to stop there(seeing that I have exceeded my word count) and pick it up on the next post.
As always I want to encourage you to stick to your lane and run your race.
In His love & Mine.
P.S: I know I haven’t been consistent in my writing. I have been dealing with some personal stuff in my journey. I am working towards a more committed writing experience and possibly towards a book sometime soon.
Writing from my personal experiences (as I do) can be quite intimidating at times. There are stories that are not easy to share but thank God for they are all under the blood. I hope to stay committed this time. I appreciate your support.